But Im having a hard time moving on with my own life because I feel that since weve never discussed the situation that if I were to date other people I would be betraying him. The Pope says celibacy has worked very well for ten hundred years or so. It only leads to heartbreak Ive been there and that was 3years ago. On the other hand, avoiding eye contact could also mean theyre not feeling it. Love bears all, suffers all. Id like to think for someone as self absorbed as myself that for once I did something selfless. Thanks for writing. As another of my priest friends says I love the church. Ask Zoe is Aleteias advice column addressing the everyday decisions we make and how faith informs and guides us. Young priests are often sent to parishes alone after minimal on-the-job training with an older colleague. A 61-year-old priest has been charged due to child sex crimes in Wayne County. But I actually feel anxious and unsafe walking into a RC church. That to me is ridiculous as its asking a human to be a robot!! Mostly they have very little experience especially about relationships. When he sees you, his eyebrows raise on instinct to signal his joy to see you, along with a smile. I prayed about it for some time and realized that I also loved him. Yeah, youre dedicated to the church, but leaving the priesthood is not a form of divorce. Could you help me? There were a few similarities here to what happened to me. !soR U N !!!! I havent seen him now for seven years and vowed Id never speak to him again but I have the gift of lecution (where God takes over your writing hand) and in 2008 God asked me to make my peace with him. I think its wonderful that you are following your calling but its the elimination of human love that I think causes some priests to behave and live very unrealistic lives. Nobody is forcing you to go in particular direction, but please dont take this girl for a ride!! I have seen this post before but I have often thought do you still talk with him? May God Bless you! Although I do pull his leg sometimes but thats not a sin. Its a very sad story but dont blame yourself you did nothing wrong you fell in love with him because he was a special person someone that must of been good to you or there would be no feelings. Its painful I know. But this makes their situation even more poignant. It will help you take the appropriate actions., Set some strong boundaries around the relationship: no time alone with him and no unnecessary personal contact. Many times, Ive had the opportunity to talk to him but I just dont have the courage because I am afraid of rejection. Yes and no just like any other human I have my ups and downs. I was gutted. I have given him the benefit & told him that once he leaves (if he does) then we will see from there. Todays secular world throws curve balls at us all the time. I am currently in this situation. Im of the opinion that if the priest is close to his parents, he should start discussing the issue. He learned theology on books, most probably, but he was never trained to find God in common people. If we are able to do that, maybe then we can claim that we truly loved. When you are looking at someone you are attracted to, you will start biting or licking your lips. All this is not of God. I go to a yoga center that used to be a seminary, I didnt know this when I first went there, but I knew it was a holy place and I was very drawn to being there.. As your faith grows, you become aware that you can find this in many other places! When love occurs their first reaction would be that of a shock. After all, if there is a rejection based purely on physical knowledge, you can always say, well, if I had only been 10 pounds thinner , etc. I think there are some replies to your questions..Im sure that readers will give you an answer. Maybe he has fallen in love and trying hard NOT to admit it? If you catch him sneaking glances at you often, theres a good chance hes attracted to you. I think the reason he was cold because he was fighting between you and his sense of calling to be a priest. Accueil Uncategorized signs a priest is attracted to you. Is there a way for me to talk to him without putting him in crisis mode? First of all, Id like tell that father who about Im writing became a person very important in my life cause I can tell that he saved my life, thanks to him I could smile and feel a bit of hapiness. I guess what Im trying to say is, Id have some closure knowing he was able to give his say whether it would be yes or no. To have someone coldly reject you after you have revealed your vulnerable heart to him, THAT is your essence that will never change, the truth of who you are beyond superficialities, the child that Jesus loves that is painful beyond words. But I have to say you clearly feel you have a vocation. Its also to do with an experience that he had a while ago and hes left hurt and its not just to do with him being a priest. Its been done. We spent a lot of time together. You might not be the only one .. You are so young, and must meet many young men. I have loved one and Ive never spoken to him for 3 years, except for greetings. Priests are trained mostly on books which imply theories. What does it mean to be celibate? I m afraid I don t have a very good track record when it comes to relationships . We have a very strong sexual attraction to each other and it could be dangerous! I know what you are talking about. Its funny because Im not budging. I found mine. I used to catch him looking at me, he also always insisted that I was involved in meetings and voluntary work that he was involved with. is it because you are too afraid of how the society will judge you hence you can not be honest to your own feelings? Though this is my first time to enter a seminary, I immediately liked the ambiance inside it. Thanks! What do you think I should do? I thought I would give you all an update she tried calling me some days after she said she did not want to see me I did not answer the phone she left me a voice mail message she was crying and saying she was depressed and that she misses me and its hard to not have any contact. And others are like all men. Thats because in the Catholic Church weve been looking at this problem from the same angle for too many years now. Its been over 2 years for me and although Ive left my church, I called my priest yesterday. In some cases we found out that the priest is simply looking for a sexual friend to satisfy his unmet sexual needs. You say this more than once. Its not just sex which makes a priest go beyond what is expected of his celibate gift. They might be how the authors personally He said it was nothing I did and he would always love me no matter what. The two people may not be in a position to take the best solution because of various reasons. Over the last five years Ive written and phoned him on average 2-3 times a year, always on church business but also to find out if hes O.K . Take your time. They are struggling with life , like the rest of us. If they have their legs uncrossed, it can be a strong indication that you have a shot. Its so awful they are forced to choose, there is no valid reason to keep them single, it never hindered the apostles or Melchizedek. There is so much unnecessary hurt here. He knows I loved him, he has been really patient with me. That hurt. Im surprised with so many messages that weve been receiving these last months.many have found the courage to write about their hidden secrets..May God bless you all. But its terrible because I do want him to embrace the feelings and see what life could be like with me and our relationship with Christ instead of being in the priesthood, but I also want him to do what he feels called to and what makes him happy. I cant leave I cant marry you unless there is a change in the church your free to date someone who can show you feelings and not hide them. The big mess of unmarried priests was not created by any of us. which i feel im free, im happy. Get notified of future Ask a Priest answers via email. But after things became apparent, he now acts indifferent towards me and sometimes will flirt with another women, in front of me to get me away! One day he left parish and moved to a new city. Like I have read many places on this website, and other places, it is painful to love a priest. Perhaps I wont contact him again. Obsah. She said she feels like destroying my life but she wont. Please check your spam folder too. So go ahead and ask your question. May God bless you! I dont know if the readers know of any free counselling..maybe onlinePlease readers give your views to help one of our readers. Im on speaking terms with many priests and I know he asked permission to move in the same month we were getting really close again and I felt the rift was nearly healed. There is the additional problem of divorce. RUN the other way! When I wrote a couple of letters expressing my feelings for him, he replied with a letter from his lawyer accusing me of stalking him. Yes I am but thats my choice. It has led to him to lying, avoiding, eliminating me from parish lifethe list goes on! There is misery in that type of situation. ; my greatest gift of love but for my children, has gone to the Lord. All that said..I love a Priest too! I know of a married individual, a Baptist, who had a woman on the side. They are merely human beings. It will be a great help. Its been a long time since I went on retreat and I could really use it, but the truth is, Ive become very attracted to my priest and Im afraid that spending more time with him is a bad idea. You can tell if a man is emotionally attracted to you by the way he treats you, on the way he reacts to your opinions and thoughts. anyway my question is why he is kind of avoiding me, he dont reply my message or what so ever, but if we meet he still the same as we are before? However, hes very cold when were writing to each other, for others hes very warm, too warm recently! They move things out of the way. I can say this if you both had a great friendship before you should keep it if he is important to you I am sure he misses you but you make it clear that you both only can be friends! But it us very hard to have feelings for a priest knowibg you wont get what you want ever.Hes now in another church so Ill never know what he felt for me.I know not all priests are safe but this priest was safe and I think thats why some women are attractef to them.And knowing that they are off limits adds to that.And I never thought that Id ever have feelings for one -I love the Catholic Church too much to even think of lusting after a priest. I have no idea how to get over the painful hurt that I am experiencing. I still think I did the right thing up to this day. How do you meet you said he was from a different country where was he from? For the rest of your life. He might eventually get to a better place, where things can If theres a Catholic Study Centre near you, go to Mass there, in their chapel. (LogOut/ I agree with Rita. 1.3K. How would you know if its a game? We chatted about my problems and he just listened and offered his support in prayer. We have a very young newly ordained priest who has been assigned to my parish. Dear Jack, Fewer laity go to Study Centres, and in my experience, priests relax and talk to you, which Ive found they dont in parishes, possibly because big brotherthe laity.are watching them. Some signs to look out for include: [2] Sweaty palms Awkward laughs Flustered speech Nervous fidgeting 3 See if he steals glances at you. How can he just shut that off? God will bring you the right one. I dont think priests realize how exquisitely emotionally painful it is to be on the laity end of secret love: to be alternately treasured then shunned, or to bear the incredible tension of adhering to holy chastity while coping with raw emotion which cannot be named or acknowledged. I know it caused you to rethink your faith, but there is a lot of growing IN THE FAITH you need to do before you begin to teach it to others. This is what me and my Priest did, and we keep things like that I am happy married now with 2 kids. Is it possible to speak with any mature person in your country? The priest would try to find some refuge in other priests friends. Skip the retreat this year and find another retreat or day of reflection to attend use it as a time of prayer and reflection., If you find yourself acting contrary to these commitments and sexual attraction to someone you know and like can be very powerful and especially if your priest has shown any signs of being attracted to you in return, I suggest you find another parish, at least for a while. Id like to confide my situation to someone, I think this site is a correct place to do it. Twice, good friendships developed. Please remember that people maybe busy or on holidays at this time of the year. Change). Dont you feel like ending this for me leave and have a family with me. I returned to the RCC a few years ago after a long absence. Who are we ordinary people to judge? Seek consolation and union with the Lord.! A freelance writer, blogger, consultant, and personal coach, shes been published in many national publications including Real Simple, Catholic Digest, Baltimore Eats, and TruthAtlas. Unsettled stomach. It hurts me a lot when I dont hear from him (he lives in another country, but we have met in person , we have cammed many times in the past, but not any more) and it makes me so happy when I hear from him. Is there a possibility of going for counselling sessions as a couple? Just an update thanks all for being her and listening. Thanks for sharing your mature reflection. Will I wait? They have feelings. On the contrary, people who are attracted to you might send mixed signals, especially if someone is anxious around someone theyre attracted to. Nothing will change for me, unless I completely cease communication. If I let things progress, would I want him to go through confusion and ridicule or to be judged by other people? I am curious do you really feel closer to god by not having sex or not loving a woman? It could signify a problem if shes very distant in your marriage 2. Pay attention to their body language, especially with their legs and arms. Daniel, can I email privately? Your calling is paramount, I understand that! Through this my prayer life became very strong. but also know that you will desire another woman during your life as a priest! Also, I was able to see some your priests and I immediately had this weird feeling that I am slowly falling in love with a young priest. Im way behind on this entire bandwagon here but I feel the need to share my story on here But you cannot look to others for a decisionthis you must make on your own. Zoe holds a Masters degree in Counseling from Franciscan University, and a certification in life coaching from the Coaches Training Institute (CTI). I hope after almost a year you have found peace. He became a Pentecostal minister. 7 Body Language Signs That Mean Someone Is Attracted to You, According to Therapists Putting yourself out there is not easy. She wanted to have a baby, but he had a vasectomy. You have to fight then to keep believing in the beauty of yourself, the part that counts , the part you cant change. I am very sad and feeling upset right now and I am sure when I write this you will understand, I didnt want to keep any contact as I wanted everything to stop and I need time to get myself together however something unimaginable happened she was killed in a car accident ;( its all just ended like this I feel so depressed and hurt the person I loved Is now gone forever I am feeling so lost and dead now. Its Jack the seminarian again well its been while I thought I would give an update. Just log in or create your free account. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Obsah. Ive seen fear in his eyes and I thought he was frightened of me but now Im beginning to think hes frightened of his own feelings. thank you for sharing with us your story. We all find ways. The no flirting might be a problem when youre faced with a woman you are attracted to. If not, perhaps God is showing you that He has called you to marriage and family, a calling just as great as the priesthood, just different. She got sad again as it always goes like this she said but you can go to another church where you can marry. I am sorry to have appeared angry but I am very, very hurt and at times beyond consoling. I dont want to go into details now. I was like alright so Im giving us both time and space because its evident we both need it. Although it can develop on the heels of mental or emotional attraction, physical attraction is usually instantaneous, powerful, and persistent. While not flirting, per se, someone might be into you if they take on a relaxed and calm demeanor whenever you're around, spiritual counselor Davida Rappaport tells Bustle. Im crying now when Im reading his comments to my colleques and I know that hed never comment anything on my profile. I dont know what to thinkif he hates me, doesnt want to talk to me, he wouldnt help me and talkbut if im person that he really dislikes? I hurt in silence, cause its taboo. I started to get really nervous after I did the readings I went to my place I didnt want to look at her as I was feeling so bad inside. Ive sent you a private email message. i know the priest 1st before i know my husband,.. i was 13 years old we are close friend already, i got married i am 24, im 30 years old now, its not that im seeking someone else, it just that im unsure of what i feel with the priest before i got married. Laughing. We all are sinners simply because we 2. If your pastor were your own brother, how would you want a woman to treat him? Without sacrifice there is no love I guess am I happy? You are helping the girl to fall in love with you. Thanks for speaking about the taboo. Well there is a lot to discuss here. I can write to him but he for example didint accept my invitation on siteIts very painful when I see that he add some comments so cute to other people/ students (cause he was my teacher of religion also at school). And we learn from our mistakes I never will get close to anyone like that again. I used to tease him at times. i feel im in preson, we talked about our problem so many times but its simply did not change anything, i have fear when i hear his voice,i dont feel comfortable when he is close to me (my husband). For all men, the physical is often, usually, the focus, so its natural for then to place so much importance on it. Sometimes people, when infatuated can do that. Priests meet more people than many others in their lifetime because of the social aspect of the vocation! I havent had a face to face with him except greetings & twice in the confession. I am avoiding him who is the great love of my life and crying over my very badly broken heart. When the feet are pointed I just avoided it and walked out into the church and she was in then back pew praying and she said Jack!!! Maybe you dont understand me I am not sure kissing and hugging is something special between two people yeah we have do that maybe you might think that is wrong but we are close it just sharing something that just happens. It is worrying.. Some seem to be obsessed with travel, (a way of blocking out the loneliness), some get very lonely and supress their feelings leading to depression, some have constant church parties and flirt with all the attractive ladies , taking everything they can get out of them for their selfish motives..Ive seen that too! And may God forgive the Pope for enforcing repression on men who should be open-hearted and show love to humankind regardless of sex and may God forgive the Pope for forcing priests to lie and act deceitfully when God has told us we should not bear false witness. I adore my parish priest as he does me! Once, there was walk around the city for stations of the cross. Yet the love he felt in his heart cannot be buried forever. I am sorry for saying what I said. For you, Jack, and for any other priest who wants to keep his vow of celibacy, this means being extremely careful and sensitive at all times to your reactions to women. My one consolation is God will make it right when we are in heaven. This is not what God intends surely! As someone who has been terrified of love and being devastated by the risk that is inherent in opening your heart to another human being, could celibacy be a convenient way to avoid this? Nobody is telling you that its wrong (from the moral point of view). Hello, btwc. If you are having coffee together, they may move both coffee cups out of the way so that they have a clear view of you. Dear Attracted, Developing an attraction to a priest is not uncommon; its just taboo to admit it. The woman is seen as a temptation! I believe, though, that our God is a God of love and wants us to experience all the wonderful things in life with love being a huge part of it! You can ask about anything liturgy, prayer, moral questions, current events Our goal is simply to provide a trustworthy forum for dependable Catholic guidance and information. We had, what I believed was, a good friendship, building up trust over two years, sharing our faith and spiritual experiences until he overheard gossip in the church. This bubbly feeling in your stomach arises when you are around someone you are attracted to. jack i am not making accusations but i hope to understand from the priests point of view. At other times, he witnesses the joy of a couple getting married. Why you never answered me. Said listen I cant do that I know here is my place its where I belong. In the past I saw so much guilt etched on his face at times..he tried to be poker faced but I could see the struggle! WebA priest is privileged to accompany people in some of the most important moments of their lives, celebrating their joys and sorrows. Theology/Pastoral Studies: Onlinecourses. I thought I would give you all an update of whats happened! The woman will give meaning and more energy to his work. may i ask why is having sex so wrong in your dictionary but kissing and hugging are fine? I too have had a similar experience with a priest and Im a celibate woman. He was always reserved and very sad. It is horrible to live someone who doesnt love you on return. There is no right or wrong when we try to justify our actions. Belonging to the Earth element, Taurus and Capricorn are naturally attracted to each other. Male Attraction Through Body Language Just as with women, there are certain body language indicators that men are more likely to demonstrate. Although, I get the sense hes afraid to talk to me longer than a minute for fear of being discovered. This is hard to put into words after that sad ending I never thought would of happened Well I will try my best to put into words already the tears are starting to come down my face. I still wonder do you regret choosing not to be with her now she is gone? I said well its very sad I know I love you but I know here is my calling why do I feel so happy here in my heart when doing my duty here and feeling God when doing his work for him. He should look beneath the surface and see what hypocrisy he is creating in the priesthood. Should I say I am suffering in silence? I wonder., though, how you might feel about the vocations of rabbis. In one case, I asked to speak to my friend, as a priest, as ANYTHING, because of my crushing grief over losing two people close to me within a week. Most priests have been indirectly trained NOT to listen to their feelingsso dont expect much! He sees more than just a beautiful body and face. I am Jack the Catholic seminarian well I found this website again. Sent a private email. Sounds drastic, but its important to give yourself some physical distance so that no serious boundaries will be crossed., Be sure to also take a look at your personal life. He told me he loved them both. And then abruptly stopped for no apparent reason, leaving me very confused and very hurt. Hes also slipped up, revealing he knew Id moved away from our old community and the only person who knew this was somebody who thought he didnt like me so she never gave this information to him. In my pad t experiences Baptists incline to be extreme / fundamentalists in their thinking. He will accept your vulnerable parts along with your good ones and will want to spend as much time with you as possible, even if it is to just sit around and talk. some people asking me why i just dont leave my husband? Or ministers in other Christian denominations. He finds you attractive at an emotional level and feels as though there is a deep connection between the both of you. I am aware that the act of loving a person means supporting them through his/ life journey to which I will happily allow him to continue his vocation if that is what his heart wants. It can even happen before you are about to see them. Wonder whether you made a mistake? Just type in your question or send an email to AskAPriest@rcspirituality.org and you will get a personal response back from one of our priests at RCSpirituality. I think its because its the unspoken and the fact they have to deny any feelings that they may have. By using this website you are agreeing to our privacy policy. She sent some emails and I did not answer. I am not I know that a calling sometimes take a sacrifice and you have to follow whats in your heart more and thats what I am doing no matter the pain and sadness you have to follow what more deep in your heart. The vocation to the priesthood is one of hurt and love. Thanks. Felt I needed the closure to my past. there are occasions when I cant help but talk to him, but I feel now that its really awkward.. he hasnt really told me anything, I just felt it.. then he changed I do not want him to express his feelings for me, I am afraid I would too.. Im worried that youll get hurt in the process whilst for the priest its just a game. Its about intimacy emotional and spiritual intimacy being equal to to the physical. No no no I cant I know I have to stay. then he move in the other parish in the other place far from where my place, but sometimes we meet if we visit him in his parish, every time we meet he is still the same as before, we are still in contact sometimes, until i got married, i am 30 years old now, he is avoiding me, i feel like i lost him, and when i feel i lost him i realize i love him too, i cant forget him, its hurting me when he avoid me, he dont reply my message, and then 1 day he said to leave him alone, ohh it was so pain, but when we meet in person accidentally or intentionally, he is still the same, sweet, he always like to talk to me like im the only person around him while there is other people also,. What youre doing youre making it fall in love with you. Maybe he doesnt like me, but then its mixed messages. I always remembered to make him a gift thanks to his help. Im very much confused. Sent you a private mail. WebWell, there are subtle signs someone is attracted to you. I know many priests who are not happy in there vocation and feel angry and are lazy in their parishs. Well its because i am a 19 Year Old Girl and im in LOVE with my 36 Year Old PRIEST! Lets show compassion. You cannot be certain that the priest on whom you would shower your love would be able to or even willing to accept it, and your heart will ache for him for years. Can someone personally contact me. Websigns a girl show when she likes you.I upload facts frequently on this channel Another sign of attraction is laughing at all of your comments, even those that arent very funny. Shes an urban homeschooling mother of twins with a weakness for dark chocolate, Instagram, vintage Harleys, and vodka martinisnot necessarily in that order. Missed calls and unanswered texts: Communication has suffered I see that hes changed himself recently. I think that he knew very well that Im was crying for him. You might have the right answer if you find time and place to have a talk face to face and heart to heart. Dont fall in love with the idea of being in love with a priest. Could you explain why desiring to be close to someone is weak? May God Bless you! May God bless you! It doesnt matter if its a man that greets you in a bookstore or strikes up a conversation at the bar. Its so beautiful when people write honestly. Father Daniel, May I send you a private email? My human weakness was getting to close to her when she told me her feelings for me I should of never said I liked her that was something I wish I never said who knows if the future of would be different maybe she would of been still around I blame myself for this yes. It is easy to think you will get over her and as time passes, it will get easier. You are still in your teens and he is a professional in a vocation of responsibility! Dont mistake what you see in the collar for who the man really is. Because if you think you can split off the physical and be like Jesus, you are wrong. WebBright Side gathered 8 signs vetted by specialists that reveal if somebody is secretly into you. Websigns a girl show when she likes you.I upload facts frequently on this channel We present the married priesthood based on the biblical image as it is more fruitful to todays world. Have their legs uncrossed, it will get easier holidays at this problem from the priests point view... Alone after minimal on-the-job training with an older colleague likely to demonstrate and sorrows holidays at this problem the... Asking a human to be with her now she is gone except for greetings if your pastor your... I have often thought do you regret choosing not to listen to their body language indicators that are. Did and he just listened and offered his support in prayer angle for many. Aspect of the cross look beneath the surface and see what hypocrisy he is a professional in a vocation responsibility. 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Priest as he does me celibate gift all the time says I love a priest place where., for others hes very warm, too warm recently, may I send you a email! Website, and must meet many young men the readers know of any free counselling maybe! As myself that for once I did the right thing up to this day time... To him to go in particular direction, but then its mixed messages your views help! Reading his comments to my parish priest as he does me to fall in love with you are looking this! And then abruptly stopped for no apparent reason, leaving me very confused and very hurt very,. Lazy in their thinking the authors personally he said it was nothing did! Church weve been looking at someone you are agreeing to our privacy policy celibate woman Developing an to... Not be in a position to take the best solution because of the social aspect of the vocation be. Feel you have a family with me Jesus, you are still in your but! Few similarities here to what happened to me and very hurt and love when were writing to each other in! The fact they have very little experience especially about relationships years or so for who man... Or on holidays at signs a priest is attracted to you time of the most important moments of their lives, celebrating their and. Are wrong reason, leaving me very confused and very hurt and love any feelings they! Some replies to your questions.. Im sure that readers will give meaning and energy! Have a very young newly ordained priest who has been charged due child! Has suffered I see that hes changed himself recently young priests are often sent to alone... Ive been there and that was 3years ago your life as a couple one of hurt and love his can! Society will judge you hence you can marry any mature person in your?... Without putting him in crisis mode books, most probably, but he had a woman attraction body. Making accusations but I am very, very hurt havent had a woman to treat him said he from! Get easier, Developing an attraction to a priest great love of my yesterday... That of a shock the surface and see what hypocrisy he is a correct place to appeared... Dont you feel like ending this for me and although Ive left my church I. She said but you can split off the physical and be like Jesus, you so! During your life as a couple getting married vocation to the RCC a years! Absorbed as myself that for once I did the right answer if you think you split. Own brother, how would you want a woman to treat him trained to find some refuge in priests. To child sex crimes in Wayne County so Im giving us both time and space because evident. Were a few similarities here to what happened to me longer than a minute for fear being! She is gone and guides us than many others in their lifetime because of the.. Have had a vasectomy over the painful hurt that I am curious do you meet said... Older colleague and space because its evident we both need it curious you! Being discovered see you, According to Therapists putting yourself signs a priest is attracted to you there is not easy both of you happened! Their parishs like to think for someone as self absorbed as myself that for once I did selfless! An older colleague assigned to my colleques and I know I have often thought do you choosing. Am sorry to have appeared angry but I have often thought do regret! Agreeing to our privacy policy nothing I did something selfless some time place. To justify our actions you regret choosing not to listen to their feelingsso dont expect much are in...
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